The Scary Mommy Guide To Talking With Your Teen About TikTok Safety
When I was a teen, back in what now feel like caveman days, my family got a dial-up internet connection. Email was the new frontier then, and web pages were mostly just blocks of text against a backdrop of bad clip art. My parents were learning about the internet in real time along with me, and as far as I remember, they never set rules or talked to me about online safety.
Fast-forward to the present, when my own 13-year-old is asking to join TikTok and I’m suddenly aware of how ill-equipped I feel to protect him. After all, we Millennials are the first generation to parent teens in these terminally online times, and there’s not much precedent to work with. That’s why it’s so important to talk about social media safety early and often. Luckily, TikTok has not only implemented a suite of critical safety tools to keep younger users protected, but it’s also helping caregivers to navigate the TikTok community together with their teens.
To get you started with this important conversation, here are five not-totally-terrifying (promise!) steps to opening up a dialogue about TikTok.
1. Get To Know TikTok From A Teen’s-Eye View
If you’re reading this in between scrolling and posting on your own feed you might think you can skip this step, but there’s one problem: You’re not a kid anymore!
The TikTok you know and love is not the same as teen TikTok, in a number of important ways. When a 13-to-15-year-old creates a TikTok account, their profile is automatically set to private, comments are restricted to followers only, and their DMs are disabled (like, impossible to turn on). The Default Teen Settings also protect content created by younger teens; any videos made by 16-and-under teens will not show up in other people’s feeds, so while they might not go viral, they also won’t have an audience they aren’t ready for.
2. Have A Conversation, Not A Lecture
Possibly the most important tip for talking about TikTok safety is starting from a place of curiosity — rather than condemnation. Is your teen already familiar with the app? Do their friends use it? What types of videos do they like to watch?
Try to have these initial exploratory convos when both you and your teen are relaxed and the stakes are low — i.e. over breakfast on a weekend rather than in the car when you’re running late for school. Finding common ground and building trust is always more effective than fear-mongering; make a point to share some of your own experiences and explain how TikTok’s Community Guidelines work to keep the space safe for them.
3. Make An Online Safety Pact
Chances are your teen wants to have a TikTok account, like, yesterday. But before they get their hot little hands on that login button, it’s critical to set some guidelines.
To this end, TikTok — together with the Family Online Safety Institute and TikTok’s Youth Council, has developed a customizable agreement called the Digital Safety Partnership for Families. This new resource is designed to help families start conversations about online experiences and set positive digital boundaries together. The best part is that TikTok has done all the work for you — all that’s left to do is download and talk to your teen about the details.
4. Watch TikToks Together
This step sounds easy — and it is! — but it’s not just about cute animal videos and viral dances (although we love those). In 2023, TikTok surveyed parents of U.S. teens to find out how they would like to see the platform support online safety, and then launched a campaign to teach families about its safety settings for teens.
So instead of just reading about these features, you and your kids can watch your favorite TikTok creators (who are also parents of teens) turn this topic into creative and relatable content (see: @fitdadceo, @ctfit, @mrandmrsgrit, and @klemfamily). Learn together about Family Pairing, which lets parents with existing TikTok accounts to link to their teens’ accounts, or explore how Keyword Filters and Comment Privacy Settings help curate (and cushion) your child’s TikTok experience.
5. Set Clear Boundaries — And Stick To Them
TikTok’s safety settings for teens work whether you or your teen controls them (and, again, some are automatic for teens under 16), but before they start scrolling, you need to agree on what’s allowed and who will be responsible for monitoring tools like screen time limits, content filters, and comment restrictions. If you choose Family Pairing, make sure your teen knows in advance which settings you’ll be turning on — and why.
Teaching teens to be mindful and safe on the internet can be daunting, but TikTok wants to help parents start the conversation. Their Guardian’s Guide is a great overview of tools and resources — think of it as a cheat sheet for raising your teen to be a good digital citizen.
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