How To Set Boundaries With Kids In Their Twenties Living At Home

Hi, 20-something-year-old living at home here! Living at home gets a bad rap, but there are plus sides. For me, it’s not paying rent and getting to force my parents to watch The Bachelor every week. For my parents, they get to hang out with their lovely daughter all the time. How lucky for us both!

As sweet of a deal as it is, having your emerging adult live at home can come with growing pains. Whether your kid moved away and moved back in, or is home for college break, they’re used to a certain degree of freedom that you most likely hadn’t granted them when they were a teenager. And if they haven’t experienced that freedom yet, they’re at an age where they want to.

It can be tough to treat your baby as a grown-up, especially when it feels just like the old days with them back under your roof. You might not even know how to treat an adult kid! And that’s ok! Thankfully, mom and parent coach Kim Muench offered some guidelines for living with an emerging adult.

“Your 20 year old daughter who’s living at home does not need a curfew,” Muench said in a video posted to Instagram Reels. “She does need to communicate whether or not she’s going to be home that night.”

“Your 24 year old son needs to do his own laundry. He also needs to move it from the washer to the dryer and back to his room in a timely manner,” she continued.

Muench went on to explain that there’s no need to track your college kid, unless the whole family is in agreement on tracking for safety purposes. You also don’t need to count the number of beers in your fridge, but that your adult kids should buy their own alcohol and drink responsibly.

Her emphasis is on mutual respect: yes, you do have to give your adult kid freedom. But, with great power comes great responsibility, and if you’re treating your kid like an adult, they have to act like one.

So no, you are in no way responsible for their laundry, and yes, they should probably stop at the grocery store sometimes.

Muench also pointed out the importance of communication with your adult child.

“If you’re not coming to an agreement on what should be done or what is happening or not happening yet that’s supposed to be happening, then you need to sit down together and talk about how you can solve the problem together.”

The situation is new ground for everyone, so making sure you’re on the same page is integral to avoiding frustration on both ends.

“Our 20-somethings don’t always know what they need to do or the steps to take, and they really don’t want to ask for help,” Muench continued. “And if you’re not approachable. You’re just going to continue to clash.”

Having these conversations can be awkward — it’s a weird dynamic. I don’t doubt that it’s so hard to see your kid as a grown-up, and that being asked to give them a little space can be difficult to hear.

But, no matter how uncomfortable the conversation may be, it’s necessary. How else are you going to raise an independent adult, if they’re not able to exercise their independence?

So parents, the baby birds might still be in the nest, but maybe it’s time to let them fly solo.