100 Funny Pumpkin Puns & Jokes As Satisfying As The First PSL Of Fall

There are two kinds of people: Those who love, love, love all things fall, and those who like to rain on our parade. We get it. We’re a little obnoxious when we start jonesin’ for a PSL in March or planning our autumn decor in July. But let’s just try to let people love what they love, right? The world is dark. Life is hard. Fall brings Halloween, and Halloween is a chance to scoop the brains out of pumpkins and spook things up a bit. It’s our chance to come up with elaborate costumes and, for a few short hours, be absolutely anyone we want to be. Cheerleader? Sure. Headless Marie Antoinette? Great. Sexy pumpkin? (I mean… are you just not trying, or are you just a gigantic How I Met Your Mother fan?) And, as fall sets in, our excitement bubbles over, and we start looking for ways to lean in — like hot cocoa on a rainy day, a scary movie, or just digging up some silly pumpkin jokes and puns.

If you’re here, it’s probably because you’re looking for exactly that: Some silliness to get you into the spirit. None of those jokes are particularly hysterical, but they’re all worthy of a smile, at the least. These pumpkin jokes and puns are perfect for kids, classrooms, and sharing with your smiling barista as you order your weekly (or daily, no judgment) pumpkin spice latte. Enjoy!

Pumpkin Jokes Gourd-lore

1. Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?

The crossing gourd.

2. What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?

“Good-pie, everyone.”

3. How do you repair a broken jack o’ lantern?

Use a pumpkin patch.

4. What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?

“Cut it out.”

5. What do you call an athletic pumpkin?

A jock o’ lantern.

6. What do you call a rotund jack-o-lantern?

A plumpkin.

7. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?

Pumpkin pi.

8. What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker?

“Use apples instead.”

9. When asked how he was feeling, what did the pumpkin say?

“I’m vine, thanks!”

10. What’s the problem with eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?

You’ll get autumn’y ache.

11. What kind of romance do pumpkins enjoy?

A mushy romance.

12. Why do pumpkins perform so poorly in school?

Because they had all their brains scooped out.

13. Where do pumpkins hold meetings?

The gourdroom.

14. Why do pumpkins sit on people’s porches?

They have no hands to knock on the door.

15. What did one Pumpkin say to the other?

“Happy Hollowing!”

16. What did the orange pumpkin say to the green pumpkin?

“You look a little sick.”

17. What did Cinderella say when her carriage turned into a pumpkin?

“Oh my gourd!”

18. What’s black, white, orange, and waddles?

A penguin carrying a pumpkin.

19. A pumpkin says to a jack-o’-lantern, “All we ever do is sit around on the stoop. Don’t you want to mix it up, try something different?”

The jack-o’-lantern replies, “I don’t have the guts.”

20. What are gourds afraid of?

Things that go pumpkin the night.

21. Where do pumpkins like to live?

In the seedy part of town.

22. What do adventurous pumpkins do for fun?

Go bungee gourd jumping.

23. What’s the best thing to put into a pumpkin pie?

Your teeth.

24. What do you call a pumpkin that works at the beach?

A life-gourd.

25. Why did everyone think the jack-o-lantern was evil?

It had a wicked candle inside it.

26. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?

Pulp fiction.

27. Why was the gourd so gossip-y?

To give ’em pumpkin’ to talk about.

28. Why was Cinderella bad at football?

Because she had a pumpkin for a coach.

29. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin Pi.

30. How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?

On vine-yl.

31. What’s the pumpkin’s favorite Western?

The Gourd, The Bad, and The Ugly.

32. Why was the jack-o’-lantern so forgetful?

Because he’s empty-headed.

33. What did the queasy pumpkin say?

“I don’t feel so gourd.”

34. Why are jack-o-lanterns so smart?

A candle makes them bright.

35. How did the jack-o’-lantern quit smoking?

The pumpkin patch.

36. What did the pumpkins say at happy hour?

“Let’s get smashed.”

37. What is a pumpkin’s favorite sport?

Squash.

38. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?

Squash.

39. How do you cure someone with a pumpkin spice addiction?

Apply the pumpkin patch.

40. We got our seasonal bulk in at work today and got Pumpkin Spice Motor Oil.

It’s for autumnmobiles.

41. Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

42. Which English pop singer is most popular during the Thanksgiving holiday?

Pumpkin Spice.

43. What type of pants do ghost pumpkins wear?

Boo jeans.

44. Why don’t mummy pumpkins go on vacations?

They are too afraid to unwind.

45. Why don’t jack-o-lanterns eat Halloween candy?

They just don’t have the stomach for it.

46. Why don’t jack-o-lanterns ever go trick-or-treating?

They have no body to go with.

47. How does a pumpkin listen to Halloween music?

On vine-yl.

48. What’s a pumpkin’s favorite genre?

Pulp fiction.

49. How did the jack-o’-lantern win the science prize?

A light went on in his head!

50. What band do all pumpkins despise?

The Smashing Pumpkins.

51. Why did the pumpkin cross the road?

To spice things up!

52. What did the Alanis Morissette pumpkin impersonator sing?

“You, you, you autumn know!”

53. What did the pumpkin say to the latte?

“Everything’s better when you add a bit of spice.”

54. What did the pumpkin say to the pumpkin carver?

“Cut it out.”

55. What do pumpkins snack on at the movies?

Pulp-corn.

Pumpkin Puns Straight Outta Hobby Lobby

1. Squash goals.

2. Life is gourd.

3. Gourd big or go home.

4. Hey gourd-geous!

5. You’re the pick of the (pumpkin) patch.

6. Have a gourd Halloween.

7. Let’s “carve out” some fun this fall.

8. Let’s give ’em pumpkin to talk about.

9. I’ve never met a pumpkin I didn’t like.

10. Oh, my gourd! I love fall.

11. I only have pies for you.

12. Orange you pumped for Autumn?

13. Wow, this pumpkin is totally jacked.

14. Give ’em pumpkin to talk about.

15. I’m ahead of the carve.

16. You struck a gourd with me.

17. I’m on the rind 24/7.

18. What’s cooking, gourd looking?

19. Be of gourd cheer.

20. Patch you later!

21. Don’t go(urd) breaking my heart.

22. Let the gourd times roll!

23. You are the pumpkin of my pie.

24. Gourd vibes only.

25. Say hollow to my little friend!

26. Let’s pumpkin spice things up!

27. Sorry I’m latte — I had to pick up my pumpkin spice.

28. I know a latte pumpkin spice puns.

29. Unless it’s pumpkin spice, I don’t give a frappe

30. Me + PSL=Squashgoals.

31. Life is gourd when it’s pumpkin spice season!

32. I only drink pumpkin spice — just call me a basic witch.

33. Pumpkin spice and everything nice.

34. Blood type: Pumpkin Spice.

35. Let’s lay this pumpkin to roast.

36. Keep calm and carve on.

37. My love for you is bigger than a pumpkin patch!

38. I’m a real treat — just like pumpkin pie.

39. You’re the pick of the patch!

40. My favorite color is pumpkin.

41. A little gourd humor goes a long way.

42. Just a couple of pumpkins vibin’.

43. Gourd-geous souls.

44. Orange you excited for pumpkin season?

45. Carving memories one pumpkin at a time.

This article was originally published on Aug. 3, 2020